many ponderings

First off - a confession - I have a hard time sharing my inermost thoughts with people - it scares me. But, I am trying to do better at it so here goes:

I have had quite a bit on my mind as of late. As Dave is once again applying for jobs and being told no both of us have begin to wonder why (yes that awful question that I feel so guilty about asking). As all of his supervisors are very eager for him to continue his work with their park (unfortunately again at the same grade and pay level) we can't seem to figure out why a higher pay grade is eluding us. As he had talked to his internship supervisor over Christmas and was told of 10 new positions to the park we were very hopeful - and yet it turned out that they too are only GS4 and again six month positions (which is not what his supervisor told him they would be). Anywho- back to the question of why - why is it that as we try to follow the gospel guidelines and listen to the guidance of the Spirit we are always put in positions where we can barley survive. (okay maybe that's a bit dramatic) As we are left here to live on Ramen and Mac and Cheese (which I have to say is incredibly hard for a dietitan to feed her family) we ponder how a family with two college graduates struggle to live in this world and why does no one want someone with a degree. And what problem does the government have that they don't want families to be part of the park system. and yada yada yada. I could go on forever.

I do however, find peace in that we do know that we are doing what we are supposed to, and we have decided that unless some kind of miracle happens with the park service, our time with them is drawing to a close. We just don't feel right about the living situations it is putting us in and the dead end we feel as we contemplate what we want for our family. We are hoping and praying that as this door closes another door will open. (And we are just waiting to hear from that particular door.)
I also have been reminded of that refining fire (or whatever you call it) that we are put through here on earth. Despite the struggles of now we both feel that we are being prepared for something in the future. This has given us tremedous strength and courage as we face, once again, the unknown.